Clocks

Correction: It’s GROUND control to Major Tom. Not Earth control. Horrors.

Last night was another round of alternate crying babies. First he goes, then she goes, then they are both fed and changed and we pass out for 1 hour? 2 hours? 45 minutes? I can’t freaking tell. I try to hide the signs of time as I don’t look at the clock. I have no desire to know that it is now:
12:03 am
1:46 am
1:58 a.m.
Wow a whopping 3:34 am
5:46 a.m.
6:17 a.m.

I rather remain clueless about the time. Looking at a clock will just remind me I only slept for 38 minutes and will be a mess for work. So, I tuck my small, but annoying alarm clock in my bed side table and I turn M’s bright 1970’s alarm clock around. M hates this approach and says she NEEDS to know the time. She is right. Again. She does try to schedule their feedings every 2.5 hours. Where the hell are J Lo’s baby nurses when you need them? Yes, she has a baby nurse – for each child!!!

M’s sister has been our baby nurse this week. She actually gets up in the middle of the night so I can get some sleep for work. She leaves Friday. I will miss her pink zinfandel (people still drink that?) in the evenings as she tries to talk in-depth- about Dancing with the Stars. She is very passionate about it. She analyzes each dancer and panel of judges as if she were General McCarthy and briefing military commanders about an invasion. It’s been fun, and mind- numbing. Last night we discussed how the Jonas brothers appeared and butchered Take on Me. Can’t you ruin your own original music?

Pictured above is the little man. He looks like a potential club-kid in this photo. He is surrounded by blue. We received (very generously) many gifts of pink and blue. M’s mother bought these pink and blue Moses baskets. Sometimes, I mix it up and place her in the blue. Those crazy same-sex parents.

Earth control to major Tom

I finally now understand those people that fall asleep on the subway. Long ago these people confused me and would think to myself -why the hell is that person asleep on this downtown subway?? Don't they know where this train is heading and they can get killed??? I now get it. I think I can fall asleep going home. I - We- Us-are EXHAUSTED.

It's our fault- we never should have named a child after "fiery one." Wonder if we can change his name to Walter, or Larry or something that sounds like a quiet man. Little Aidan likes to SCREAM when his diaper is changed, when he pees, when he wants food and when he wants to be comforted. And he loves to be comforted c-o-n-s-t-a-n-t-l-y.

I told him the other night at 3:30 a.m.-while he was scccrreeaaammming that he was going to get us evicted and all four of us would all be living in a box somewhere. Gosh, I hope he knows I am kidding. Thankfully, his sister is a bit easier to handle. She cries a bit when she needs something. I think she already knows her brother is a bit of a handful. I have promised to buy her a pony if she continues to be easy to handle. I hope she also knows I am kidding, I can't see us getting her a horse. Bad parenting skills already.

Usually, at night (early morning) M and I have shifts of taking care of the babies. We switch shifts, and give the other a break when tears or "I am a bad mother" comes blurting out in a tear-whine- combo. Last night, she relieved me of duties when she can tell I was about to crash or have a mommy breakdown. We knew 2 newborns were going to be exhausting, but wow...when they both start screaming at one time and you are running on fumes it's tough.

Pictured above is the more quiet baby (for now).

Peanuts

This past week was a blur. We are both tired-especially the birth mom. M had to go back uptown to the emergency room with elevated blood pressure issues on Sunday afternoon. We were emotional that she told to come back immediately She was later released at 2 a.m. on Monday. My parents came in to help with the babies.

M was directed by our doctor that she needs to take a few weeks of meds. She seems to be feeling a bit better. Apparently, her blood pressure increase might be a result of trying to breast feed 2 at one time. Fuck that noise I say. So, we are supplementing with formula.

Our doula is here for a few hours this week. I hid the formula bottles before she came over. Not sure if that is healthy situation. I think M told her about the formula-Not sure as I was out of the apartment out begging the 2 local pharmacies for blood pressure pills. Both pharmacists shook bottles of pills( I heard them jingling) and said "sorry we are out please come back tomorrow." WTF? I begged the second pharmacist for one pill and told her the story of mother of twins in desperate need. Where the fuck is Bono when I needed him??? Unreal. Finally, the pharmacist forked over some pills and warmed up. I told her I would return in a few days to show her the babies.

Unfortunately, I return to work tomorrow. waaaaah. The doula chick will be here for 3hours. It gets nuts when both start screaming at the same time. Anyway, the doula is helpful with breast feeding tips. M whispered to me when I was changing Aidan that "she told me not to take the meds- it's strong stuff." Uh- are you kidding me?? So, we ignore that sound medical advice and I will continue to hide the plastic bottles for now. I think we will just use the 15 hours and not renew services. Don't get me wrong- I think doulas are helpful and knowledgeable. And we feel okay about picking and choosing her "tips." M's organizer sister will be staying next week to help out. I imagine in a few weeks we won't need help (famous last words)- it's just a big adjustment right now- especially at night. I look forward to the mornings. I am drinking toxic amounts of espresso and coffee this past week.

The first night home was a bit of a disaster. The changing table looked like a bomb went off. M and I have different dressing styles for the babies. I think they she is over-heating them and she thinks they are cold. End result is I fumble to partially undress them to change diapers at 3 a.m. I think I changed at least 10 diapers that were clean. Must work on that.

M think Aidan looks like Charlie Brown. Hope he has better luck in life than Charlie Brown. Iv'e been calling him Chuck all week. We don't have a nick-name for Mairin yet. She seems so much more delicate than her brother....sometimes she makes these Park Avenue lip movements...we think maybe she will be a high society lady (hopefully not a governor's wife).

Speaking of Chuck, my god- he is more work than Mairin. He wants to be comforted constantly. I wonder if that is a gender thing....Either way, we love them both.

Long Time Coming

Mairin and Aidan arrived yesterday, March 11th at 3:30 p.m. via c-section. M and the babies are healthy. M is sore and said she feels "crappy and happy."

We wanted to avoid another "M" in the household, but we found her name after a long search and it just seemed perfect. Mairin in Gaelic means "longed for child." Oh how true. Aidan means "Little fiery one." OR my alternative meaning is "Chutzpah"- something I hope both our children (when appropriate) posess. The photos are Aidan, Mairin (prounced like Mare-in), and the duo.

We arrived at the hospital at midnight on Monday. The hospital kept calling and pushing us back as they were overcrowded. Long story short- when we arrived at the L&D- the place was packed. M was asked to sit in a waiting room while some were in active labor. She sat between a Republican TV Talking head (who appeared on Larry King the other evening) and a 17 year-old foster kid (we overheard) who was loudly moaning in pain during contractions. Only in New York.

Once we got in our private labor room the experience improved. Our nurse was a funny woman from Alabama and the doctor was also wonderful. After about 9 hours of labor, it appeared that Mairin was blocking her brother from turning and allowing him to start the downward departure. There was the obligatory scare when people come rushing in and scare the shit out of you. Around 2pm Mairin's heart-rate dropped suddenly and they thought she might be in distress. Turns out she was fine just bouncing all around and uh- some other medical terminology I missed while studying the face of our doctor while having a mini-stroke.

A c-section was strongly suggested and we were on board. It was amazing to hear Aidan screaming when he came out and followed by Mairin about 2 minutes later. Wow what an amazing moment. M was a champ during the entire experience.

Oh yeah- Aidan is 6 lbs. and 12 oz and Mairin is 5 lbs 9 oz.

M will remain in the hospital for a few more days. We thought best if I come home tonight, feed the cat and try to sleep.

ps. Word from M's anesthesiologist is that Gweneth Paltrow was a cool, down-to earth, low maintenance patient.

Moving on Up

M has moved up the waiting list and is scheduled to be induced tomorrow evening. Monday. March 10, 2008. Lunes. Year of the Rat.

An old college friend of M's stopped over yesterday. Sharon is single, no children and was chatting about her active dating life. God, am I officially 80 yet? Anyway, She asked how it feels to sit and wait for a profound life altering event to occur??? I said it feels like waiting for a space ship to descend and carry us off to another planet. Luckily, I have been around the block to know- that we will return to mother earth again.

As boring and repetitive as this sounds: I feel sort of numb-nervous. I cannot imagine that we would ever get to this moment. The last 3 years have not been the easiest. But- as any IVF-Gambler knows: This is the big pay-off.

Hope is addictive, even when the fertility clinic psychologist (a mandatory $375.00) leans over and shows you the statistical chart of getting pregnant over 35. Lady, please put your graph away, we get it. We are rolling the dice again...

M is calm, sore and quietly reading the NY Times right now. We have been together long enough that I know she is anxious. She is quiet when nervous. Damn, I admire that. But, I have been around the block to also know- that in an important moment I will be completely there and ready (am I stealing Hillary Clinton's motto)? Whatever.

Not appearances and jesus on 8th

No babies yet. I think they will make an appearance this week....or M will be induced next Tuesday. According to the doctor this morning she is having contractions and signs look good for a vaginal delivery. Whatever is safest for everyone is our approach. So we wait. She seems calm, tired, and ready to go - except the bag isn't packed.

M is now officially on maternity leave. She stopped working on Friday. She is taking off for 3 months + one week. Most of her leave will be paid which is good since Yale is $_____per year. I will google that later. It would be great (dreaming here)if one child was a doctor with amazing bedside manner and the other was a journalist- like Christina Amanpour. I can picture our daughter wearing a flak jacket reporting from the scene. Yeah mommy is being nuts.

There was a guy yelling on the subway this morning about "pancakes" and "white bitches." Interesting. I usually don't move away from people like this, I usually move closer. But this guy started to concern me a bit when he started pounding his fist. Usually, I hope that people in this condition can offer some nugget of wisdom or offer some profound life altering babble.

Actually, switching street people stories- this reminds me of a homeless Jesus that use to hang near our block. He looked exactly like Jesus (at least how depicted). He had a peaceful facial expression, the long flowing hair, long beard, and flowing like clothes. We would see him in the summer when we were getting in a cab for IVF blood work or related treatment. I always thought it was a omen or something. We haven't seen him for awhile, but I'd like to give the homeless Jesus, reproduction and labor gods a shout-out.