We attended a newborn care class last night. There were 13 couples (including us). We were the token gays. What alternative family planet do I live on- where I am surprised that we are the only same sex couple in the room??? Earth to Me.
Surprisingly-it was my idea to attend the baby care class. M is an admitted control freak. She knows it. The last thing this non-bio mom wants to hear at 3 a.m. is how to diaper the baby or "no-no- you hold her head like this." I can picture myself screaming: "WhaaaatttttT--- Just because I didn't give birth to them- I don't know what the F$%@#$% I am doing..." Yeah still working on some issues.
The class instructor was great. She spoke to us afterwards about the twin experience. We chatted about breast feeding, bottle feeding, and the need for extra help: a post-partum doula vs. baby nurse vs. my mother vs. her sister vs. just the 2 of us.
Speaking of just the two of us....I wonder if our relationship will be the same. Or better? Or worse? I cannot imagine that it doesn't change. The other evening we attended November with Nathan Lane then had dinner out. We figured it's the last date for awhile. It was a good show. I mean it's not the Glass Menagerie or anything. Anyway, at dinner- we basically talked about babies and preparation of their arrival. The hot date days are uh over for now.
I will miss my old relationship. It is solid and supportive and loving. And- I got attention. I fear that the days of direct attention are over. I wonder if this sounds pathetic? Whatever...shoot me.
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Where to begin...It doesn't sound pathetic at all, to mourn the loss of direct attention. Here is what I think: t is good you have a solid foundation because you will need t coast on that for a while. The babies will need all of your attention and help and love and guidance for a long time. So babies are first. Second (and this is just my opinion) you both need to work on yourselves, adjusting to your new roles as mothers, adjusting to the new dynamic of your family, adjusting to the changes in YOU (which are huge). Third, your relationship. BUT that aspect of your life is the strongest, of the three (new babies/new you). You will understand immediately why people who don't have good relationships split up after they have kids.
So it is hard. The adjustment to not be the center of each other's world. Obviously you know it is worth it and all that, so I won't go down that road. But for me, I found myself having to think "OK, we are solid and she loves me and I know it and I need to work on learning to create an environment of security for myself." See what I mean?
I have 1000 more thoughts but maybe I will just create a post because this jumble might not be making sense!
In terms of doula etc. what worked for us was being alone for the first two weeks. No family or anything. We wanted to get used to the new dynamic and new life and all that on our own. And then we let in the world and nanny annie, etc.
You will have date night again! I'm up the street! We can switch off on babysitting nights!
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