The hard part

It's official. I need zanex. I can't keep thinking at any moment that the babies are dead. Last night, M had some spotting. I just knew by the way she got up off the couch and headed to the bathroom that there was an issue. She had some spotting, luckily not accompanied by cramping.

So, I pick up a pregnancy book. It might as well be entitled "Your 35 and over and your kid is chromonsonally defective and no longer in your uterus." What the hell. We turn to another pregnancy book and - spotting is common with multiples. Our doctors told us this already-twice. But, when your last 2.5 years are one long -scare fest- well of course, Armageddon is around the corner.

This morning, we go to East side to see the ob-gyn. She rocks. She does the u/s. Both babies were moving. Alive. She then tells us "the next 16 weeks are going to be the hard part." WAIT...wasn't big city fertility clinic the hard part? Wasn't the cabs, the subways, the crying, schlepping, the lack of vacations and holidays, the blowing off friends and family,the thousands and thousands of dollars, the holistic sessions, the drugs, the learning at the last second- that 1 -50 Irish Americans are tay sachs carriers, the wait, the egg retrievals, the transferring, the betas, the more bleeding, the cvs(s), genetic counseling sessions, the career choices, the staying with crappy managed non-profit- but I sneak out of easier, the losing the other baby, the lighting candles and begging St. Jude- WASN'T that the hard part????

How do I get zanex? I wonder if I can score some outside of Port Authority.